a state of limbo

i'm desperate for it.

there is a part of me that has always enjoyed being unsettled, that as if some part of my teenage years has made me find comfort in residing on shaky ground. like there is some kind of security in uncertainty.

it is a fair assumption to presume that the majority of the human race find their comfort in stability and routine. there are only a small minority that can quite happily live in a nomadic state, fleeting from place to place, finding home amongst the spiritual, the non-material. i like to think that i am one of those minority, but in reality that is hardly the case. i haven't experienced it in the way i dream of. i have never jumped in a car, filled with my belongings, and just followed the road with no clear destination in mind. one day i hope that i can do so - what a freeing experience that will be.

tim and i have been discussing travel recently (to be fair, travel is a constant conversation topic between us) and the places we want to see next. it changes weekly. one minute, i want to drop everything and go to thailand, bali, vietnam, cambodia, and pop in and see samantha heather in australia on the way. the next minute, we are planning our adventures through europe; paris, london, vienna, the greek islands, and everything in between.

our hearts and minds are in a constant state of limbo.
we are constantly caught between our wanderlust and the harshness of reality.

with tim now working in the travel industry, the intensity of our wanderlust has amplified. every day, he gets home from work with another place to add to our list. realistically, it will be at least another year and a half until we can pack up our things and say good bye to new zealand once again.

is it wrong that this saddens me so much?
whilst my identity will always be found in new zealand, my heart is in a permanent state of longing to be elsewhere.

i want to breathe in the icelandic air, feel the sand of cancun between my toes, and swim through the waterfalls of hawai'i.

i understand that in time, these things will happen, but i feel like i'm ready now. i want it badly - so badly that i often forget to appreciate the goodness that i have around me here and now. the stability and whole-hearted love that my brother, my sister-in-law and my gorgeous baby niece provide me. timothy joseph lord gonzales, and his constant and unfailing love and care. the incredible friends that i am so blessed to have, and the safety and privilege i have to live in this peaceful country.

i am thankful.
it would be shameful, selfish and greedy if i weren't.

i am thankful for this state of limbo, and for what it provides me.
so very, very, thankful.

it's been a while

a collection of photos i took at the ness wedding, 17.11.2014

call me the worst blogger ever... it's nearly been a month since my last post.
amidst the craziness of the festive season (which is well and truly here now), we've holidayed up north, attended the wedding of two of our favourites - dan & anna, met the newest member of our family, i've started full time work, and together we've been crazily editing video footage for the wedding video we are hoping to be putting the finishing touches on soon.

it has been an exhausting three weeks, in the best possible way. so much love, happiness, laughter, and joy has been shared amongst new and old friends and i've had daily reminders that this is what life is all about. community. friends that are family, and family that are best friends.

i am so excited for the next few months. the parties are continuing, the late night dancing isn't stopping, and there is much more cider to be drunk. games of backyard cricket will be played, the bbq's will become a daily occurrence, and listening to fat freddy's drop on repeat (always always always the best soundtrack for summer).

there's something so magical about summer, and the way that the warmer nights can bring people together in the best way possible.

whats your favourite thing about the changing of seasons?
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